SSL Profile Handshake/Failure statistics (such fun, must look, so much question)

Indeed. 🙂 Got a reply now though. Updating the post, but also leaving the delta here:

Mid-Connection Handshakes
Successful renegotiations show up under the "Certificates/Handshakes" heading under the "Mid-Connection Handshakes" field.
https://support.f5.com/csp/article/K15475 (Insecure Renegotiations Rejected - indicates unpatched clients attempted to renegotiate SSL sessions X times and were rejected by the virtual server) The stats in question are all about the configuration of Secure Renegotiation covered in SOL13512

 Secure Handshakes                           << A patched client
 Insecure Handshakes Accepted                << An unpatched client. First connection accepted (Profile is Request or Require).
 Insecure Handshakes Rejected                << An unpatched client. First connection rejected (Profile is Request Strict).
 Insecure Renegotiations Rejected            << An uppatched client. First renegotiation attempt rejected (Profile is Require).

Also asked about bad and DTLS Tx Pushbacks:

 Records
  In - Self explaining (my comment, not F5's)                        
  Out - Self explaining (my comment, not F5's)         
  Bad - Escalated within F5
  DTLS Tx Pushbacks - Escalated within F5