Trying to create an iRule to serve multiple http and https pools based off of a single VIP

Yes, it's your use of HTTP_REQUEST here that's the issue. That's not available in an SSL session that the LTM isn't offloading. The thing you want to do in SSL is called "Server Name Indication" and v11 includes tools to support this (although please note that if you expect any Windows XP users, they won't be able to use SNI).

 

 

At a bare minimum, you probably need to split these sites into multiple VIPs if you can spare the IP addresses and can control the DNS hostnames.